Letters To A Soldier
by micky145
Summary: AU-human. Bella, a young troubled teenage girl, is forced to live wit her brother after a tragic event occurs. A school project, writing letter to a soldier, soon begins to change her life more than she could imagine.
1. Chapter 1

**Letters from a Soldier**

Life's a funny thing, isn't it? We have the good times, and the bad. Some people have a life that is close to perfect, while others are cursed with so many hardships that sometimes life isn't worth living. And then you have those people; those people who help make everything better… who can change everything. I met one of those people, and it all began with a letter…

I stared at the steering wheel in front of me as though it held all the answers of the world. Why did I have to move? Why did it have to be in the middle of the year? Why did life have to be so hard? Of course, I got no answer. I sighed, looking at the dashboard; it was time to go. I begrudgingly moved out of the car, threw my bag over my shoulder, and moved towards the entrance.

I slouched in my chair. The classroom was quite dull, as was the personality of the teacher standing at the front. I'd managed to survive the stares and whispers all morning. I tuned them out.

"…ongoing assignment is part of a program that the school has signed up for. You will write a letter to a soldier serving overseas; become pen pals basically. You will need to keep copies of the letters both you and the soldier send as they will be marked and put towards your writing skills. You will put your letter in an envelope with the soldier's name on it and put it on my desk at the end of the lesson. Start writing your first letter today; I don't really care what you talk about. I suggest you start talking about your life."

I let out a heavy sigh. My life. You could write a book about it, but I can't say it would be interesting. The thump of an envelope landing on the desk woke me from my inner ramblings. I pulled out the slip of paper. _Your soldier is Edward. At least three letters are expected to be exchanged between you and the soldier. You must at least discuss differences or similarities in your lives. This is a COMPULSORY assignment._

I pushed and weaved my way through the sea of students moving towards the cafeteria. To my great annoyance, the library was at the opposite end of the school to the cafeteria. The crowds gradually thinned and I finally found myself seated in an empty study booth in the corner of the library.

_To Edward,_

_I really don't want to do this. I'm probably just an excited as you about this arrangement. Honestly, what are we meant to gain from these letters? __Maybe a__ few words? A possible friendship with someone you'll never see?_

_I'm not sure what I'm meant to say. I guess I start with introducing myself and then __I'll__ begin to tell you my life story. After all, the point of this assignment is to get to know each other, right?_

_My name is Bella. I'm seventeen. I really do not want to do this assignment, as you may have gathered. Today is my first day at this school, I moved from the city last weekend. I live with my __stepbrother__ who I haven't spoken to in quite a while. I guess you could call me a loner at school; after all__,__ I don't have any friends. I keep to myself. I stay away from people__;__ avoid making friends. It's safer this way, no one can hurt you. _

_I don't have anything else to add, not yet. And by the way, I honestly do not care how your life is and what's been happening. We aren't friends, so why should I? But to be polite, and to get the marks necessary for this task, how are you?_

_Over and out soldier boy,_

_Bella._

The days began to blur into weeks, the weeks blurred into months. I had managed to avoid my brother of an afternoon and weekend when he decided to return home and drown his problems in alcohol. We had only exchanged a few pleasantries on the rare moments I saw him sober. I spent my time throwing myself into my books, exploring the town, or holing myself up in my room trying to find something to do.

I plonked myself down on a stool in the back corner of the art room. Plugging my iPod in, I drowned out the world around me. 'Only two more periods to go,' I told myself, 'then the weekend is yours'.

The scraping of a stool nearby and a tap on my shoulder woke me from my daydreaming. A boy stood there, politely waiting for the attention that I didn't plan on giving him. I raised my brow as if to ask, 'what'. He grinned toothily, then leant over and pulled my earphones out. I sighed, _how much does it take for the people around here to realise you don't want to be friends?_

"Well, at least you can hear me now, which is a start. I'm Jacob," said the boy, holding out a hand.

I quickly studied him. He had shaggy brown hair, emerald green eyes, and a body similar to that of a male Abercrombie model. Amazingly good looking, to say the least, but I wasn't interested in making any type of friends.

I nodded to indicate I had heard him, and ignoring his hand I turned towards the window and threw my earphones back in. I waited for the sound of shuffling feet to indicate he had left. But they never came.

Once again my earphones came out. I turned towards to the boy, exasperated. "What?" I snapped.

Surprise flitted over his features before he returned to an annoyed stance. "Look, don't ignore me like that. We're going to have to work together better than this if you want a decent mark."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

Jacob raised his eyebrows, probably at the fact I hadn't been listening to something important. "You, me, we're partners for this big art assignment."

Great, group work.


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob pulled his stool closer and planted himself on it. He continued to explain that the assignment required us to learn about a historical event, write an essay on it, and then present it in an art work.

He reached over trying to grab my arm. I flinched away from him. "Just give me your arm; I need to write my number on it. Call me over the weekend and we can figure out a time to work on it. Oh, and by the way, Miss wanted me to give this to you." With that he winked, threw the envelope on my desk and moved out towards his next class.

I didn't go directly home that afternoon. I went down the street to the coffee store, which had the most delectable hot chocolates I had ever tasted. It was going on dark by the time I got home and my step brother's car was already in the driveway. _Oh, crap._

I quietly pushed the front door shut and padded down the hallway. It turns out avoiding my brother was impossible, as he decided to rest himself on the stairs that evening. I attempted to slip into another room before he noticed me, but without any luck.

Emmett mumbled something incoherent. I stiffened and tried to inconspicuously move closer to the other room.

"Where have you been?" croaked Emmett loudly, so I could understand what he was saying this time.

"Out," I answered curtly.

Emmett stood up abruptly, swayed on his feet then staggered in my direction until he was towering over me. "Out? Where on earth would you go out to? You have no friends, no family except me, you have _nobody. _Now answer me, where were you?"

"Out."

A smack resounded through the air and I felt a stinging sensation on my cheek. My eyes began to water.

"How dare you talk to me like that! Remember whose roof you're living under. What do you think I am?" he demanded.

"Just as bad as our father," I growled. Emmett looked as though I had been the one to just slap him. I didn't care. I moved up the stairs into my room, shoulder barging Emmett on my way, and making sure to slam my door as hard as I could possibly manage.

_ To Bella,_

_ Honestly, I am pretty excited about this 'arrangement'. In my line of work, it's not often you get to talk to people outside of your work group about normal things. _

_ As you know, my name is Edward. I am twenty years old. I joined the army as soon as I finished year twelve. I wanted to do law or psychology, try and make a difference in the world. I wanted to serve some justice or help people. But after a certain chain of events, I realised the defence force was probably more suitable for me._

_ It sounds like you have a hard life, had a few traumatic events. Probably had someone betray your trust, your brother is a jerk, and something happened to your parents. That's why you moved. How close am I? I'd be a good psychologist aye?_

_ I must say though, I don't think your logic on friendship is any good. Friends support you. They accept you for who you are, and that includes your past. And if you find a good one, they can easily relate to, or empathise with, your problems. That is why I am naming myself your newest best friend. I'm probably your only one by the sounds of it. And on the bright side, you never have to meet me, so you can tell me anything you like. I don't plan on betraying your trust. But I do plan on helping you. _

_ So first question I would like to ask, what's your step brother like?_

Despite my better judgement and blinded by anger, I told Edward _everything_ about Emmett. I also told him where he could shove his psychology.

I was late for art. I had made a detour to give my letter to Miss so she could post it. Her surprise was evident, as I had already voiced my opinions about this assignment.

Someone was in my seat. Actually, all the seats towards the back were taken and the only free seat was conveniently next to my new partner.

I tried my best to ignore him through the lesson, I really did. But I couldn't help but allow a bark of laughter to escape when Jacob tripped over the leg of my chair, splattering paint all over his school top.

Jacob was frantically wiping the paint off his shirt and muttering something about his mother going to kill him, when he looked up and met my eyes. His face was painted in shock, along with some pinks and blues. A grinned broke out across his face.

"You laughed! I got you to laugh," he said smugly.

I stopped laughing and scowled at him. Next he'll be thinking I'll want to talk to him and be friends. I raised my brow. "What of it?" I asked, trying to brush off the fact that I laughed as no big deal. But it was.

"I'm in four of your six classes every day, which you probably hadn't noticed, considering you're always listening to your iPod and staring into space. You haven't befriended anyone here, even though people have tried. You haven't laughed or smiled, you've barely spoken to anyone! You've just been so cold and distant. That is why it is a big deal." After his speech he went slightly red.

But I was too shocked at his words to notice the colouring of his face. Did I really seem that cold? Have people really tried to befriend me? How much did he notice about me? Not for a long time has anyone payed that much attention to me.

The bell interrupted my inner ramblings. Jacob was looking at me, as though expecting me to say something. No chance. I grabbed my bag and made a bee line for my car.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't need to pack make-up on my face anymore; the light bruise on my cheek had faded. My long chocolate brown hair fell in waves, framing my face. The strapless black cocktail dress was a bit loose. I had lost weight. Icy blue eyes stared back at me in the mirror. I wiped the smudge of eyeliner under my eye and made my way downstairs to the dining room.

Emmett left me a note on the fridge this morning saying that a business associate and his family were dining at the house this evening. This was the first contact we had made with each other since our ugly encounter a month and a half ago.

I'd also managed to avoid Jacob since the incident in the classroom. I made sure I got to class early and got the seat in the back corner. I began to notice that he was in most of my classes. He seemed like a pretty popular guy.

The aroma of a beautiful baked dinner hit me as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I had no idea that Emmett could cook. I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. 'The guests are here,' I mused. I fixed my dress, planted on a fake smile and moved into the room.

It's funny the cards life will deal you. Here I am seated in between the very two people I have been trying to avoid, and being interrogated by Jacob's mother.

"How do you like living with your brother?"

_I hate it, he is rude and arrogant. Did you know he hit me the other weekend?_

"Great, I love staying with him."

"I hear Jacob is your partner in an assignment for the semester. How lucky is it the two of you were put together!"

_Sadly, you're correct. And no, it was far from lucky._

"Yeah, that's right. It was very lucky…"

"So I assume you've made some nice friends at school?"

_Actually, no, I don't need any friends, nor do I plan on making any. Stop assuming._

"I have, they're very nice." I glanced at Jacob from the corner of my eye, making sure he kept his mouth shut.

"That's lovely. So why did you move in with your brother?"

Both Emmett and I froze at that question. Now that question had just crossed the boundary line of nosy. I took a gulp of water from my glass, hoping Emmett would handle it, when I felt a stab of pain on my ribs. My eyes widened and I doubled over in a coughing fit. I was faintly aware of my brother patting my back. When I had calmed down a little, Jacob grabbed my elbow and stood me up.

"I'm going to take her upstairs to the bathroom, she might vomit."

I allowed Jacob to guide me up the stairs into the bathroom, before turning around and standing chest to chest with him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I yelled, holding my arms around my mid-section in case he tried anything stupid again. He took a step back at my outburst before answering.

"It's nice to see you too Bella. It has been a while, hasn't it? Especially since you have been purposely avoiding me for the past I don't know how long, despite all my attempts to get your attention."

I repeated my question.

He ran a hand down his face. "Look, I'm sorry about that. I could tell my mother was being nosy, and when you and your brother just, well, I could just tell you were uncomfortable at the last one. It was the only way I could think to change the topic."

I stared at the floor. One part of me wanted to hit him, hard. But my other part got the better of me.

"Thank you."

Jacob returned to the dinner alone, but not after slipping me a letter. He told everyone that I was feeling unwell, I had gone to bed, and I apologised for not returning. This, he said, would help me avoid more of his mother's questions. He also said that he planned on coming to the house soon so we could start on our assignment even though it wasn't due for ages.

After changing, I got comfortable on my bed. I had planned on reading the letter and going to sleep, but a knock on the door postponed the idea.

Emmett slipped in the doorway, holding a plate with some pizza on it. I sat up in bed in surprise. "What's up?" I asked wearily. He was probably going to yell at me for not coming down then throw the pizza at me. What a waste.

"Sorry."

"What?" I asked. I was sure I hadn't heard right. Emmett sat back down on the bed before repeating himself. It turns out I'd heard right, and to say I was surprised was an understatement. "Why?"

He looked up and held out the pizza for me. "I thought you might be hungry. I'm sorry about the questions, and…" He trailed off. We both knew what he was talking about.

"Thanks, and, apology accepted." I reached out and grabbed the pizza. We sat in an awkward silence.

Emmett stood up and clapped his hands, breaking the silence. "Well then, I'll see you later." Whilst moving out the door, he paused. I noticed his hand tighten on the handle. "And Bells, you're right. I am like him, sometimes. But I don't want to be."


	4. Chapter 4

On my wandering, I discovered there was a train station across town, not that it looked much like one. Part of the roof was missing, the plants that inhabited the garden had gone wildly out of control and graffiti covered a portion of the wall. I wondered if any trains stopped here anymore. After all who would want to catch a train at a place like this, on this side of town? The place would still be creepy without the darkness.

I felt branches and leaves scratching me as I moved through the doorway towards the platform. _Probably safer where you can't be seen_, I mused. I pushed my way through the jungle and broke through onto the platform. The area was deserted; you could tell no train had come along here in a while. Although the area was run down with fading paint and chipped concrete it was a nice hiding spot, cut off from everything.

I made my way to the edge of the platform pulling the stray leaves from my hair and sweater. The sound of a crunch under my foot drew my attention to the ground where cigarette butts and empty booze bottles littered the ground. The objects said it all – this was the popular hangout area for the young and rebellious. Maybe it wasn't even safe on the platform. I turned to return home but a rustling of leaves stopped me in my tracks. Had this been a normal train station and on the other side of town, I may have just kept walking; but this train station was broken, run down and on the 'wrong side' of town, and probably dangerous.

I took the leap, literally. Landing on my ankle awkwardly after jumping off the platform, I ducked behind it. _Oh Lord, please let me be right about there being no trains,_ I silently prayed, even though I wasn't Christian. But at the moment, I just needed _someone _looking out for me. My imagination began to run wild with what the people might do to me if they caught me in their hangout spot. I had heard the rumours of people around here, rough and… well to me they sound bloody scary. Would they bash me? What if they were all men? I suppressed the bile in my throat. Would this be my death? I realised I could easily be killed, after all no one would hear and who would look for me here. I wonder if this was how mum felt, not knowing if the threads of your life were coming to an end… _Stop it! _I told myself. I was overreacting, being dramatic, but that bubble of fear I tried to throw away was still there.

A set of uneven footsteps made their way to the side of the platform then stopped, probably at the bench I saw earlier. _Oh thank god, there is only one person._ Then I heard the crying. Not crying, more like something between a sob and a scream.

Standing on my tip toes, I quietly peered over the edge of the platform, though I probably could've taken off running and the person wouldn't have heard me over their tears. It was a girl. Had I passed her down the street in the clothes she was wearing, I would've most definitely turned in the other direction. She looked as rough as guts but obviously didn't act that way, it was clearly a façade. I studied her closer. Spots of blood covered her messed clothes, bruises covered her exposed arms. If my gut was right, I knew exactly what had happened to her, I had experienced it firsthand although probably not to the same degree.

I turned and sat below the platform with conflicting emotions. I wanted so desperately to console the girl, but on the other hand I didn't want to look like an idiot if I was wrong. She probably didn't even want my company. _I'm sure there are times in life when you've needed someone, but hadn't had anyone. _Edward's words echoed in my mind.

I hesitated before silently lifting myself up onto the platform. The girl's cries had died into sniffles. I stood on the edge on the platform awkwardly, waiting for her to notice me. _Oh Edward, you better be right otherwise I'll track you down and cause you unbearable pain. _

"Excuse me?" I stuttered. I didn't have a clue as to what I was meant to say.

Two blood shot eyes rimmed with thick smudged mascara met mine. Her faced paled considerably, but she composed herself and threw up her scary rough-as-guts mask. I stood firm trying to look confident, but silently swearing in my head.

"What? What do you want? Who the hell do you think you are? Get out of here, get lost!" She yelled at me. She was on her feet by now, but I was smart enough to notice the panic in her voice and the quick glances at the entrance.

"Wait, please. I just want to help."

The girl rolled her glassy eyes. "What on earth could you possibly do to help? You don't even know what's wrong! Now piss off!" She immediately turned her back on me and walked down to the end of the platform, looking out into the distance. She must have thought her last words would have scared me off.

I took a deep breath. "Every night he comes home. You try not to act scared, try not to show fear. It's like he feeds off it. The alcohol, every night, it fuels him. At first it was just a few drinks with some friends, but then it grew. His problems grew, so the drinking did too. All too soon, he is replaced by a stranger. The alcohol, his problems, they fuel him. And he takes it out on you." My voice was not shaky, but calm and strong. The girl had begun to face me. I was right. I met her eyes, trying to show her that I understood.

"Your mother," I continued, "can't… won't do anything. She tries so hard to accept who he is, tries so hard to fight for the man she loves. It is verbal and a few physical threats, every single time." I was trying to hold back my own tears by now. "Then one night, he hits that point, the point where those threats just aren't enough anymore. He lashes out, on you, your mother, your siblings. You cry, you all do, from shock, from pain, from a broken heart. He can't face you again when he is sober. He knows he has gone too far. He'll only return if he is drunk, or he just may not return at all. Your mother, your siblings, they're all to ready to give him a second chance. They can't hold a grudge, they love him. They may accept him, or they may believe it's all normal as they've never experienced anything else. But you, you know it isn't normal, but you're too ashamed to speak out. You won't forgive him. You want him to feel your pain, their pain. But he won't, because in the end you're just one person, so weak against him and your family who in the end support him."

"You leave or he leaves." This was no longer about relating to her. I was continuing my story. "You try to forget, but he has destroyed you. He broke you trust, took your love. He made you fear him. You go through life as best you can. You struggle to trust people. You stay away from them or put up a façade out of fear, to protect yourself. But then…" I could feel the wet trails down my cheeks. "But then one day he shows up. He wants a second chance, he thinks he has change. Everyone believes him, everyone but you. You don't give him a chance to explain. You run from him hoping to avoid him forever, avoid his explanation, avoid looking into his eyes and seeing his regret and forgiving the stupid bastard. But you can't run forever. One day he finds you. You walk into your home and realise it's him sitting at the kitchen table, in your home."

The girl had moved back to her seat and looked at me wide eyed.

"You walk into your home, and realise 'daddy' has returned."


	5. Chapter 5

The asphalt road felt hot beneath my tattered thongs. They were the only shoes I had in my room when I left this morning. After returning from the train station that night long after dark, I had spent the hours going between the tree and vines outside my room trying to climb up to my window. It was nearly just as hard trying to get down them the next morning, and every other morning this week.

"Pizza?" I asked waving my hand in the direction of the small shop further up the road.

Looking up from the rock she had been kicking from when we left the train station Luce, my newest friend, gave me a smile. "Sure, why not? Just as long as you're not expecting to share, cause unlike some of those anorexic chicks I have a real appetite."

I grinned. I liked her more and more each minute.

We snagged a seat in the corner of the store. It wasn't hard though, the place was practically empty save the old couple, a truckie, and a waitress who looked as though she was about to die from boredom. While Luce went up and ordered for us I retreated into my thoughts.

I'd managed to avoid my brother and my father for the past two weeks, but with great difficulty. I entered and exited the house through my window and kept my door locked at all times. Thankfully I had my own bathroom. The only problem was food. I've had to sneak down the stairs once I was sure everyone was asleep and eat leftover dinner as well as gather my breakfast and lunch for the next day. Running into them in town wasn't an issue either. I had spent my afternoons with Luce across town, usually at the train station. As much as I'd promised myself I wouldn't, I had made a new friend. She was a totally different person than the one I had judged her to be when I first saw her.

The clatter of glasses and utensils landing on the table caused me to return my attention to the present. Leaning over the table, Luce pulled a face while handing me my drink. "One disgusting lemon, lime and bitters for you." Laughing, I took the glass.

"So are you going to come around again tomorrow? I'm thinking we could head into town and do some shopping if you're up for it."

I thought about it for a moment. "Sure, but are you sure you don't want to hold it off for a bit. I swear there is a massive sale on next week in town at the clothes store, the one on the corner of the main road."

Luce shook her head. "No, the sale is on tomorrow, the seventh. That why I want…"

I completely zoned out. _Tomorrow, the seventh. _My head pounded as I watched the condensation on my glass glide slowly, silently to the table. _The seventh. _Oh god.

I stood up abruptly, grabbing my bag. Luce stared up at me curiously. "I'm sorry Luce; I just remembered I can't make it tomorrow. I, well, I'll explain later. I see you in a couple of days." And with that, I went straight home.

As I climbed through my window, my only thought was I _had _to see Emmett, right now. But I didn't want to risk a run in my father. _Oh bugger it. _I was about to open the door when I noticed an odd slip of white paper lying on the floor near the door. An envelope – I had a letter.

All thoughts of Emmett were forgotten for the time. It was a letter from Edward. It had been longer than usual since his last letter.

_Dear Bella,_

_I apologise for the long wait for my letter, although you probably didn't notice. Some events have come up over here and they required my full attention. I replied as soon as I could, I swear._

_What I wouldn't do to be back home again. Swimming in the pool on a hot day, not spending most of your time fearing for the safety of you and your mate's lives, enjoying good food and comfortable clothing. But I can honestly say I do enjoy what I do, protecting and helping people, and bringing justice to the world. _

_So how are you Bella? Anything interesting happened since we last talked? Made any friends?_

_I'm glad you took my advice about your brother. I hope it is all going successfully. It is sad, isn't it, when a person you love turns to alcohol after some traumatic event to minimise the pain. Well, at least that situation applied to my mother. It upset me when she passed away, drug overdose. But I've no doubt she is happier where she is now than where she was before._

_On a happier note, it isn't long until Christmas._

_Can't wait to hear back from you,_

_Edward_

I hadn't realised how much I'd come to like Edward's letters. I hoped the 'major event' he was involved in didn't put him in too much danger. I wanted to reply, tell him everything that had happened since the last time we'd talked, but I desperately needed to talk to Emmett now. Edward's memory of his mother had picked at my wounds.

The hallway lights were off. I opened my door and silently made my way to Emmett's room. I could see the lights under his door, it was like déjà vu. I twisted the handle and pushed my way into his room to find him lying on his bed. A look of relief crossed his face when he saw me.

I opened my mouth to talk but no words came out. My head was pounded, my legs shaking. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. I tried for a second time. "Em…" I looked up taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but after my next words I broke down into sobs. "Tomorrow is the seventh; tomorrow is the day that mum died."

"Thanks," I whispered to Emmett as he handed me a hot chocolate. I had crawled into his bed and stayed with him for the night, spending most of it crying in his arms. For once, I wasn't the strong one, he was. For once, he was the one there for me. He cried, a little, but not much. I knew he wanted to be tough, and honestly, her death didn't affect him like it affected me. The worst thing was that Em didn't know the right things to say, he was a bit awkward with words to say the least. I needed to talk to someone, someone who would understand.

"Emmett, I'm just going to head up to my room for a while."

He stopped attempting to do up his tie for work and looked at me with concern. "Alright then, but no school. You can stay here for the day, I'll head back early around lunch."

I smiled tightly at him. He was trying his best. I walked over and did is tie up for him and pecked him on the cheek. "Thank you."

I turned to move up the stair when I heard him call out. "He left. He left for a while. He'll be back soon though, and you have to talk to him. It's time to fix things."


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Edward,_

_ As much as I hate to admit it, and I know you'll get a kick out of this, I was getting quite concerned at the late reply. Why on earth did you join the defence force? And don't say to serve justice, there are other ways you could have done it. Why did the army suit you? Please promise me you'll try and stay safe. Don't throw yourself into some suicidal danger. Please. I don't want to lose my second best friend._

_ That's right, I have made a friend. Are you proud? Her name is Luce. I met her under some unusual circumstances, but she has turned out to be a really good friend. There are a few things that we can relate to. But I've only known her for a couple of weeks so I haven't told her some of my secrets like I've told you. Feeling loved?_

_ At the moment, I really need to talk to you about something serious. Emmett and I have talked about it but it is hard talking to him. He doesn't really know what to say and I really need to tell this to someone else. It has always stayed between Emmett and I, I need someone else to talk to, someone who will understand._

_ In your first letter to me you guessed that something happened to my parents that affected where I was living and my attitude towards things. Well you were right Mr Psychologist. And like I said, I think you're the only one who can understand. _

_ When I was a little girl I was close to both my parents, but most of all my father. I idolised him. We spent so much time together, except when he coached Emmett's sporting teams or had work. My family, I think, was as close to perfect as I would want it. I had my step brother who I was close to, and two parents who were very much in love. When I was around eleven, things began to change. My father's business wasn't working out and my grandparents had recently passed away. He started drinking, at first it was once a week down at the local pub but then it turned into every night. As his tolerance to the alcohol grew, so did the amount he consumed. He was throwing away the money. He would come home and yell at us, verbally abuse us and threaten us. I was no longer a daddy's girl, for he said things that hurt me so much. I was always willing to forgive him though; he was my father after all. I knew my mother and brother felt the same way. He never hurt me or my brother. I knew he had pushed my mother a few times, but it never hurt her badly. He would leave the house early of a morning before anyone awoke, and return when he was drunk. One night he came home, it was like madness. He hit mum so badly, I remember her black eyes in the weeks that followed. Emmett tried to yell at him but he just got pushed to the side. And I, the innocent child, just tried to find her father in that stranger's body. I ran and clung to him, I needed my father back. But he shook me off, pushed me into the wall. He slapped my face just like Emmett did that night. Except I was a child, I couldn't really comprehend what was going on. When I finally did, I swore I would never ever forgive him._

_ The next day he disappeared. I think he left a note to mum, possibly left one to Emmett, but other than that he didn't give an indication where or for how long he was going. About a year after he left we learnt my mother had a heart problem, only minor. Everything began to stress Emmett out, and once he finished high school he packed up and left, occasionally visiting. So it was up to me to look after mum when she was sick. Her heart was failing and she had some other disease. But she stayed strong, for me mostly. One afternoon while I was with her in hospital, my father dropped in. Apparently Emmett had contacted him and told him about what had happened. I watched, silently, as he and mum spoke. In the end, she forgave him, just like that. I knew then it was only me who was still furious at him and I promised myself I would never listen to his pathetic excuses because if they could trick mum into forgiving him, they could probably trick me too. He left after that day; there was no point to stay around as mum had made a good recovery. She was in and out of hospital for months, for years. Until one day, a year ago today actually, she had a heart attack, right in front of me while we were watching television. I didn't know what to do, I was so helpless. I tried so hard to revive her and call the ambulance at the same time, but in the end it didn't matter. My mum had gone._

_ I couldn't go to her funeral. I had been flown across the country to my grandmother, who soon also passed away. That is when I came to live with Emmett. I have never had the courage, the strength, to visit her gravestone._

_I sit here thinking what you are going to say to this. Being the amazing psychologist you are, you're probably going to say something like come to terms with her death, see a shrink, and visit her grave. I am thinking the last one might be possible._

_ Anyway, the other week my father showed up. Emmett said he wants to make things better between him and I. He had left again but said he will return in a few weeks when I want to stop avoiding him. Now I don't know what you'd say. So Mr Psychologist, what is your advice?_

_ And lastly Edward, thank you. _

Three weeks passed, it was Friday, and I had finally summoned up the courage. I was going to do it alone; I didn't want Emmett by my side. I needed to do this, for me and for my mother. Not only had I summoned up the courage on this particular day, but Emmett told me he had to go away til early the following week for work, so I saw this as an opportunity to be independent and visit her grave… and take a day off school.

I left early, with the sunrise. I thought I might do this a bit traditionally. My mother and I used to get up with the sun to go running or just to have an early breakfast. It was spitting rain by the time I arrived. I had to drive a few towns over to get to the cemetery, to get home to where I used to live. Before I reached the cemetery I dropped into an old florist that I remembered from when I was a child. White roses, they were my mother's favourite.

Kneeling in front of her grave, I placed the flowers near her headstone. The rain was beginning to soak my clothes, not that I was taking much notice. I was kind of grateful for the rain, it mixed with my salty stream of tears.

"Hi mum. I'm not exactly sure what to say, it feels kind of weird talking to a headstone." I paused, thinking of what to say next. "I'm sorry mum. I'm sorry I couldn't take care of you properly, I'm sorry I wasn't quick enough to save you, I'm sorry for not coming to the funeral or visiting you sooner, I'm sorry for being such a bad child sometimes. Most of all, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most – when my father went bad and disappeared, when Emmett left. I knew that killed you inside, and I never did anything. But mum, I'd also like to thank you. For everything basically, like being the best mum in the whole entire world, for supporting me, for staying strong for me, for never leaving me at your own free will."

By now my clothes were fully soaked and the rain had begun to come down harder. I knew it was time to go. "I promise mum, I'll come back and visit again soon. I might even bring Em with me, wouldn't that be good? I miss you mum, I really do, but I know you're in a better place now. I love you mum, always have and always will."


	7. Chapter 7

A knock from downstairs woke me from my sleep. I lifted my eyes and glanced at the clock. It was six at night, who the hell turns up at this time, and in the rain too?

The knocking continued. Groaning, I moved my legs and trudged down the stairs while trying to tame the bird nest on top of my head. Not bothering to check the peep hole, I swung the door open to reveal a very wet and very annoyed Jacob.

I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep myself from laughing at him. I opened the door wider as a gesture to come inside, and he did, creating a pool of water on the floor.

"Stay here," I ordered while I ran to get a towel for him. When I returned I noticed he had pulled out the contents of his school back pack and littered them on the floor.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing? Don't make yourself too comfortable, I'm not really in the mood for visitors today."

"Well sorry princess," he said exasperated, "but in case you haven't noticed, our art assignment is due at the end of next week and the only thing that is completed is the essay we did those lunchtimes earlier in the term."

And that is how I spent the remainder of my weekend. Not curled up with a rug and a hot chocolate reading my new books while listening to the rain patter on the window. No, I spent my weekend with Jacob, alone in my house, all weekend, trying to complete a stupid artwork.

"You know," I pointed out on Saturday afternoon while I made us some lunch, "my brother would not be happy if he found out you stayed over last night, spent all day here, and planned on coming back tomorrow."

He laughed. "What luck then that your brother is out this weekend aye? Sorry about last night, but it's your own fault that you ordered us pizza and put off starting until later. But don't worry, I won't stay here again tonight and I'll have to leave early tomorrow, I've got work. Are you going to miss me?"

I turned to him, dramatically placing my hand on my heart. "Oh dear Jacob," I cried. "How will I go on, how will I live without you in my life. My life will be so depressing until I can see you again on Monday."

Jacob jumped up from his chair and swung me around. Placing me on the ground he knelt down, keeping up the act. "Oh dear, run away with me, we'll never have to live apart, we can be together… forever." He was at a stage whisper by now, and neither of us could help but double over in fits of laughter.

After we had calmed down, Jacob turned to me quite seriously, studying me.

"What?" I asked.

"You know…" He hesitated, but continued on, "You've change, a lot, since you got here. You're louder, in the good way, like just then, and you're more open around people. Like the other day, I was being a peeping tom or anything, I just happened to walk past a certain pizza store and saw you and another girl sitting, talking, laughing. Its good, you're… really good now."

I smiled, "You're right, thank you."

Jacob looked at the ground turning red and mumbled something incoherent.

"Huh?"

"Nothing," He stood up and shot me a cheeky grin, "let's get back to work, I'll try not to miss the canvas this time."

_Dear Bells,_

_ I'm sorry about everything that's happened. I wish I could be a real friend and be actually be there for you. I guess what you told me helps everything else make sense; why you live with your brother, why you're hesitant to make friends. I wished those things didn't happen to you, you don't deserve it._

_ You were right when you thought I'd say to visit her grave. Definitely don't go to a shrink, you've already got me! I hope you have already been to visit her. I have no doubt it was heartbreaking. Awkward at first because you didn't know what to say, then everything pours out and you never want to leave. But when you do it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, you've come to terms with it. That's how I remember it felt when I first visited my mother's grave. And Bells, for heaven's sake, please don't feel responsible for her death; do not feel guilty for anything. You have done nothing wrong. For years I allowed the guilt to weigh me down when one day I realised thinking about what could have been doesn't change anything._

_ You asked me why I joined the defence force when I could have served justice in other ways, helped people in other ways. You asked why the defence force stood out to me. As I've told you once before wanted to be a lawyer and serve justice or be a psychologist and help people. You remember the September 11 attacks don't you? When the terrorists flew the planes into the twin towers in America? Well my mother received a call a while later, only confirming what she already knew – my father was in the building that day and didn't survive. I thought working in a building wasn't going to be enough for me. I wanted to go out and catch terrorist, protect people who were going to be harmed by those people. That is why I joined the defence force._

_ I am sorry about what your dad has done to you and your family. I can't imagine the pain it caused you, but I can see how it has affected you. But Bells, you don't know when you could lose him. Tomorrow you could find out your father was killed in a car accident. You could say now that you wouldn't care, you don't love him, that he deserved it. After it happens, you'd realised that you do care, you do love him because he is still your father, and no one deserves a punishment a bad as death. Most of all you'd regret not listening to him, not forgiving him. Everyone makes mistakes; we all have skeletons in our closet. You need to hear him out, and if you can bring yourself to do it, forgive him. I'm not saying be best friends, but try and start again the best you can. Trust me, I know when I say you'll really regret it if you don't. Think about it, you don't have much to lose, only so much to gain._

_ Good luck Bella, I'm thinking of you._

_ Edward._


	8. Chapter 8

I dropped the last box of Christmas decorations in the living room. I planned to put the tree up today, but Emmett had an excuse to get out of it. He said that making snow angels with me last night had given him a cold.

"Hey Bells, you ready?"

I glanced at the clock. He'd be here in ten minutes. I made my way to the kitchen where Emmett had made himself comfortable with a book and steaming hot coffee.

"Feeling better?" I asked sarcastically. He grinned knowing that I wasn't stupid enough to fall for his excuse this morning.

I began to make myself a drink when I heard the doorbell ring. It was time. I made my way to the door and opened it wide and there he stood, my father. I moved back towards the kitchen leaving the door for him to close. _Please Edward, don't make me regret this. _Deep down, I knew Edward was right. After all, how many times had he been wrong?

I heard Emmett exchange a few words with our father then move out of the room. Now it was just me and him. Alone.

I didn't plan on being the first one to break the silence. Sitting down I began to blow on my drink, cooling it down. I then grabbed a spoon and began to serve the drink to myself that way.

A chuckle broke the silence. I glanced up to see my father laughing. "What?" I asked, raising my brow.

"You always, always, used to do that as a little girl. Using the spoon I mean. I also see you haven't grown out of your love of hot chocolate. Not a fan of coffee, just like you mother…"

I continued to focus on the ripples my spoon made in my drink when I heard him sit down.

He took a deep breath. "I know you don't want me to beat around the bush, but I just want to ask you to let me finish before you yell at me or whatever, alright?"

I was silent.

"Alright then, well firstly I want you to know that I am so very sorry Bella. I am so sorry. I will never stopped feeling guilty for what I put you all through – Emmett, your mother, and you, my little girl. I didn't deserve for Emmett or your mother to forgive me, and I know I don't deserve anything from you.

"It started when your grandparents died. You didn't know but in their will they left me their house and possessions. But they were in debt, so much debt. And as you do know the business was also failing. So with the cost of a lawyer and everything else I couldn't take it. Your mother told me to go to the doctor and I never told her until the day in the hospital but I was told I had depression. Being proud I refused to take the medication after a while, I thought I was better. I was so stupid, so stupid. When I went drinking with the boys one night I felt better than ever, so relaxed. I continued, and as my stress grew so did the amount I drank. After a while I began to realise what I was doing, the things I was saying, how wrong I was. I was, I am so ashamed. Then the day came and the business had fully gone down and we barely had anything, my inheritance had already been taken. So that afternoon I went and drowned my sorrows in my liquor. I couldn't face you all yet, I felt like such a failure. I am a failure."

He paused. I knew what happened next. I was there. "And that night, I screwed up so bloody much. I inflicted pain on your mother, your brother, and you. It was different when it came to you. You ran to me like old times, trying to calm me down. When I looked at you, looked in your eyes and saw the sadness and desperation, it broke me. I knew if I hadn't failed you before, I had failed you all then – most of all you. I knew I couldn't face any of you again, especially you, at least not for a long time, until I got help. I will never forgive myself for what I did, and I don't expect you to."

I looked up and caught sight of a lone tear fall down his cheek. "Thank you Bella, for hearing me out. And I am so very sorry." And with that he stood up and made his way towards the door.

I could make a choice. I could let my father walk out that door and continue being bitter at him for the rest of my life. Or I could do what Edward would approve of and stop him, forgive him and give him one more chance. _Think about it, you don't have much to lose, only so much to gain._

"Wait!" I called. I made my way after him and found him with his hand on the doorknob. "Dad please doesn't go, not again."

My father turned at me, confused. "But…"

"I forgive you," I blurted out, "I forgive you, and I want you to stay, start again. I know it will be hard but it is better than leaving things the way they are. Please, don't leave me again."

He stepped towards me and pulled me into a warm embrace. "I promise I will never leave you again, not if I can help it."

After some time I pulled away and smiled. "Want to help me and Emmett put up the Christmas tree, just like old times?"


End file.
